Gouache and patience

I finally took the time to tear off the sealed plastic coverings on the gouache jelly cups. My nails and finger tips were shot by the time I reached the last one so I needed my brother to open it for me. So far, so good! I didn’t make some spontaneous, quickly rendered little gem of a painting. But I did try something a bit out of my wheelhouse and am looking forward to finishing it. The palette itself is so satisfying to look at with all of the paints nestled in there. An added bonus is that I can spray them all with water and then seal them up all at once. My Nicker Poster Color is incredible quality but they’re individually sealed jars and I’m very lazy when it comes to closing them back up. If I ever touch pan with these paints perhaps I’ll transfer my old poster colors into these cups and this palette. Though considering how huge this thing is I’d have to paint a ton and I’m not so sure I’d be putting my best foot forward with that attitude. Still, perhaps I’ll make it a secret goal. Then I can buy another one! To whoever is reading this, keep that on the down low. Shhh. 😉

Looks like puddin’!

A good number of my brushes are still in transport, I thought I left more of them at home but it seems that’s not the case. I dug around and managed to find a few small ones that would work for my small watercolor journal so it ended up being fine.

Little plants and a body of water?

The whole cluttered set up, heh

The minor assignment I gave myself was to render layered foliage. I had never really been able to do it before and I found that was because I was often impatient and would make an impossible tangle of drawings instead of taking the time to carefully overlap lines and shapes. I won’t pretend I’ve cracked the code with this one tiny painting but it wasn’t as daunting as I thought. I tried to follow a few videos of artists I like as they drew things out and I think I was able to take away some good techniques. As for using the gouache, I like it so far! I haven’t tested out every color but it seems relatively even as far as quality goes. I like the white a lot and see that it’s decently opaque. The other colors feel more like normal, transparent watercolor (despite some of them being opaque) which is actually ebenficial. I think I’ll combine my poster paints with these new ones to create a sort of equalized hybrid. One will make up for what the other doesn’t have.

For now, as nice as it’s been to play around with these new supplies and work some long neglected art muscles… I really have to clean tomorrow. I’ll be paying UFYH a very attentive visit in preparation so I can see how to suitably tackle it. My bed will likely be here by Friday and I haven’t done a thing to make that transition possible. I am also realizing the diagram I drew out for my “dream” bedroom arrangement is not likely to happen either. My bedroom isn’t quite large enough from what I can glean. Sitll holding out hope that my calculations are wrong!

I also seem to be in for another long night. I had an incredible nap earlier but it essentially amounted to a full night’s rest at the wrong time of day. I’m up at 2 AM typing this out and don’t feel that I’ll be getting back into bed anytime soon. Still, I hadn’t slept that well in a couple of days and clearly needed it. Perhaps I’ll wind down and doodle some more, finish my burrito maybe. Though eating before I intend to sleep has definitely been jacking me up and producing the bad dreams I imagine. Eh.

Gifts from the outside

Happy Monday? Yeah, happy Monday.

So I did not sleep well last night but I’m not upset about it. I feel myself getting ready to fall asleep and take a nap after speaking with Rhonda but wanted to share what I received in the mail.

Oh my! What a sight for sore eyes! 🧉

I was surprised at how soon this arrived! I was expecting it to take longer! I immediately opened up the Mocha Mint, which smells amazing, and readied my gourd. It’s fantastic. Even better than I thought it would be. It almost feels like I’m drinking mint chocolate chip ice cream which is one of my favorite flavors. I’m very excited to try the Fresh Green to compare to the other plain mate I have. I suspect I won’t be disappointed.

(Okay, I’ll keep it short. I’m glad I got my package of tea. I know I’m a broken record but it’s a true creature comfort)

Oooo~

Neat little individual cups!

This is the gouache that I ordered! I’m not sure the size is being properly conveyed in these photos but it’s big. I knew it’d be large but it’s also quite heavy. I’m probably not going to be able to use it the way I thought but I can take out paint onto a separate palette if I like. I had to stop myself from opening it now because I’m too tired to make anything and don’t actually have a clear desk space to work on. Ha. I’ll be able to properly share the size of these paints then. I was thinking of copying a photograph I like and would paint it but I have time to think about it. Playing with the colors and consistency would probably be a good idea since I haven’t used real gouache in years. It’s always great getting new art supplies to tinker with.

Awww 🖤

Also received today. My aunt gifted these color changing lipsticks to my mother and I. My mom placed this down in my couch den which was a cute surprise. I tried it on and I like it! Pretty moisturizing and a flattering dark pink. The lipstick itself is black (though I’d say it’s more of a lip balm) but turns the lips pink after being applied. It creates a nice subtle touch of color. I usually pick warmer, softer colors (still on the hunt for the perfect one) but I really like this one. Yay!

Hopefully I’ll have a little update on what I end up painting with my new set. For now, I’m going to sip on mate and drift off.

First restful Sunday

I believe this is my first Sunday back in New Jersey and that also makes it the first one in which I can rest. Weekends weren’t really weekends for me for a long time. In fact, I took the opposite approach and did the most work with unbroken focus during that time. And it was lovely. My mother made my brother and I cold noodle to enjoy, always delicious. The weather was beautiful, and I also had an Animal Crossing date with Annie. Then sweet Dudley messaged me and we’ll be gearing up to chat and spill some tea with each other! It’s like Christmas!

On top of that, my car arrived! It’s safe and sound with everything my friends helped me pack inside of it unscatched. I forgot I packed my previously opened bags of mate in one of the boxes and immediately prepared my gourd. So happy to have it, even though my first cup in a week is coming in at 10 PM… c’est la vie. I’m winging it tonight. My shower and hair products are also here now so I can properly clean and pamper myself. I even have my backpack full of camera gear and sketchbooks. I feel a little more whole again.

Today has been a lively one and I feel good.

I still have yet to address the mess in both my dwellings but I thought about typing up an inventory and itinerary. The first task will ultimately be the bed, it’s covered in books stacked on top of each other and it’s hard for me to remember why I even did that when I have shelves.

I sketched a decent amount today while my brother played Half Life. I practiced hands and different face angles. It’s tough! But I got these blue erasable pencils today that have made it a bit more fun and vibrant. Curious about how to get that amazingly long and thin edge on the pencil that so many of the professionals have. And I should also reacquaint myself with some videos on gouache since I have some coming tomorrow. I always thought I didn’t care for gouache but these come in a convenient package that I can close up and carry. Since it was such a beautiful day I imagined painting in the backyard and if I had something easy to carry around along with my easel it’d be a good time. I haven’t truthfully painted from life in a very long time and I’m sure that hasn’t been great for my rendering or observational skills.

And now, after having an incredibly satisfying shower because I could properly do my routine and exfoliate… I feel like I’ll be able to fall asleep soon. Granted, it’s 3:30 AM so I better hope I do. But that’s better than the 5 or 6 AM of the last two days.

Also, I’m realizing I type up a blogpost when I’m bored and unsure of what to do next. It doesn’t make for a compelling piece of writing but it’s a nice way for me to declutter my brain. I suppose this is more like a journal than a real blogging space with truly useful/interesting things to share but I doubt I’ll catch flack for it. I suppose I wish I had more to expound upon that I’d enjoy looking back on and reading myself.

Saturday~

I finished editing Chuanyuan’s portfolio text so I feel pretty accomplished. I didn’t end up drinking tea, but I had sparkling water with fruit juice. I’m tempted to pull out some newsprint and do some drawing exercises but I’m more likely to continue sitting on the couch messing with my iPad. I recently bought some brush packs for Procreate that I’ve been enjoying and have been trying to be a bit more patient and thoughtful with the little sketches I make. I also found an extremely old sketchbook from college that has a ton of blank pages left inside so I’ve been doodling and practicing in there as well. All of my sketchbooks are currently in transport so it’s placating me for now. I really have to buckle down and figure out hands. There was a period of time where I was pretty good at constructing them off the top of my head but I’ve almost all but lost that muscle. I keep shying away from the “ugly” sketching which is arguably the most important part of practicing. The crap has to go somewhere and the more I make the better I’ll become. So more hands, more badly drawn hands = better hands, better art?

I showered and feel much better. It’s amazing what wonders being clean can do for your mood (and well-being). It’s like this is logical and everyone is already aware of this fact, wild.

And it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t talk about mate. I miss it so badly. I put in the order two days ago, it shipped, but there’s no tracking number so it’ll be a surprise when it arrives. I know it’ll be a shock to my tongue when I finally get to drink it again. I keep the gourd beside me on the couch despite it being empty. It’s silly, I know.

——

House of Yes is having their weekly dance party today and are showcasing black organizations to contribute to the cause. Love those folks. Here are the places they’re repping:

Black Queer & Intersectional Collective
Black Futures Lab
The Ali Forney Center

I thought I’d just peek in the dance party but I ended up dancing for about three hours. People were real sweet again and I just sat there with my hair in a bun dancing with my upper body. I was sitting on the couch and thought I’d be too tired. I wanted to stand up but there’s not much clear space in the studio (yet). I recognized a good number of folks and I haven’t danced for about three weeks. I’m not sure when they’re going to do the hot tub room (the party is still going as I write this), but I’m pretty tired today and will likely save it for next week if they invite me then. Still, I felt pretty and I didn’t even have to do that much.

Tomorrow is the drawing party (I suspect, at least). I missed the last three weeks because I was busy preparing for the move, not sure what I’ll make but I’m looking forward to it. I also want to resume animating practice at some point. I suppose a schedule is in order.

One certainty is that we’re going to break down my old bed to make way for the new bed this coming week. Definitely excited about that.

Saturday

I need way more discipline when it comes to going to bed and also when it comes to ingesting coffee. This continued back and forth is further proof it’s not possible for me to have. I don’t want to talk about my battle with it every time I write up a post either, the writing was on the wall long ago. I suspect it may have contributed to the unpleasant dreams I was having pretty frequently a couple of months ago as well which is a huge motivator to stop. Glad I woke up when I did today.

As for yesterday, it was great! Birthdays are always celebrated in our household but they’re never a huge to-do. We usually go out to eat after handing over presents then come home and relax. There’s been some years where we just stay home. This felt relatively normal as well. My brother got a Husky tool cart as a gift from my mother and father. He’s been working on his car a lot so it’s perfect for his growing collection of tools. The funny thing is it matches my Husky tool cart perfectly. They’re both black so they’ll look like a purposeful set when mine comes in from transport, but mine is about three times the size. I thought that was a nice coincidence. My mother made us both cakes which was a lovely surprise. I got vanilla, my brother got chocolate. She made me a cake for graduating. I know school is over, that it happened, but I sometimes forget that graduation was a part of that since I didn’t get to experience a conventional one. I couldn’t blow out the candles because of the two week self-quarantine so my father played it safe and just waved out the flames with a kitchen towel. You do what you gotta do. The cake was delicious, by the way. Ate my slice with some oat milk and was extremely happy. I’ve been wanting to have cake for the longest time. It ended up being my dinner since it was such a large slice (but I got very hungry later and devoured half of a leftover cheesesteak too, oops). Afterwards I showed my brother that great album from Lost Cascades and he loved it too. When I first came across it I was hoping to find a vinyl print of it but everything from that artist and their collective was limited run and long sold out. I wanted that to be my gift but I figured I’d at least share the awesome music. We watched some fun youtube videos after that then I got to watch him play Half-Life: Alyx (which is also awesome).

Which now brings me to today. I’m back to having things to do. It could only last so long. My now former roommate (awww) asked me to check out her portfolio and correct any incorrect grammar I came across a couple of days ago and I told her I’d have those corrections to her today. I’m going to have some tea, not coffee, then get started. I desperately need a shower too. But on that note, my hair suddenly looks a lot longer, which was a nice surprise. Anyway, I’m all over the place right now. It’s a bit early for me considering I went to bed at 4 AM and I’m writing at 9 AM.

Also, my favorite pair of old, beat up pajama pants finally gave their last yesterday. I won’t show that damage but I’ll tell. The back seam had small holes wearing through on the butt 🍑area. Then, as I was getting up from the couch, the fabric was held under me and tugged, then it tore open. There’s a massive hole right on the backside which makes these finally unfit for wearing. The elastic band had already kind of given out before that but these were so comfortable and throwing away unsuable clothing (or anything, really) is a still a new concept to me. But these are going in the trash. Thank you for several years of service, money jammers.

😢

Thursday

I came across an appropriate word for my condition the last few days: alamort. It means exhausted, specifically half-dead from exhaustion. Today I finally feel mostly back to normal. I did wake up at 4 AM earlier, which meant I technically went to bed early and woke up in the middle of the night in West Coast time. I just woke up again at 2:30 PM. My sleep was thrown way out of balance the last few weeks in Los Angeles regardless. I was pushing 5 AM most days since I only wanted to get anything done in the dead of night. I’m grateful I can sleep without consequence now.

I’ve been missing my mate. It seems I left all the leaves back in Los Angeles and I’m not confident I packed them away for shipping. I have my gourd and bombilla at least. In the tea’s stead I’ve been indulging in coffee again since we’ve got the good stuff at home. It’s still clear I can’t drink too much of it since it still results in me feeling warped, but having a small cup of it has been quite nice. I’m going to order some new mate in the meantime, I’m trying a mocha mint flavor from Mate Factor. I’m debating getting their chai, another dark roast, or trying out their fresh green as well. Having my mate in the morning is one of the few consistent routines I developed living on my own. I legitimately loved getting up in the morning to turn on my kettle, making the “mountain”, and starting my day with some soothing herbaciousness 🧉. Romance probably isn’t the proper word but… it felt romantic. And hey, I didn’t drink coffee all those years for no reason. Everything in moderation.

🌹☕️✨

Speaking of nice things, I get to play video games without feeling guilty! Truly! I booted up Animal Crossing again and caught the island in the morning which doesn’t happen often. It was too early to do much since the shops weren’t open. I went to Harv’s Island and saw Cyrus and Reese inquiring about recreating their wedding day in the photo studio. I’d love to be on the other end of that one day. Apparently June is wedding month, which I was not aware of. Hopefully Juno can bless me with her care and protection as I move into my 26th year this month. I turn 26 on the 26th, that’s interesting. Wow, I’m getting old. Yet still dumb? Guess I’ve got all the luck.

Also, another aside, but I’m really loving all the sunlight I get to experience again. I was only getting sun a few hours a day from my apartment window. Back at home the house is full of light and I can go into the backyard if I want more. It’s immediately helping me feel better. Jersey still has my heart 🌞💛

Home again

I made it home safe to New Jersey. Holy cow.

I was still cleaning and packing, delayed my flight by a day (airline let me change it for free), and thought I’d be taking my time until the evening. Then I got an alert about curfew being 4 PM in Culver City and a frantic call from my father to get out of Los Angeles as soon as possible. So I listened. I dropped everything, in a bit of a tizzy, and reassessed my plans. Chuanyuan wanted to hangout and take a picture and I had to sadly tell her we couldn’t spend time together. Ugh. We took our graduation photo together so I’m glad we at least got to do that. Ally, Kyle, and Katharine were originally going to come by for a socially distanced goodbye but then I told them I needed their help. They had already offered before, but this time it was serious and I needed them immediately. I was getting ready for Bobby to do a walk through and still hadn’t packed up all my luggage. Then the cavalry arrived and saved the day. Plus, Ally and Kyle got to meet Katharine since they were both folks that couldn’t make it to the one and only party I threw in the apartment. I’m glad that could happen as well, though I obviously wish it were under different circumstances.

My friends swept in, geared up and ready to go. Ally got me a coffee along with everyone else (and I was able to drink it with no ill consequence) and then they all cleaned up, packed my car, organized, and took care of business. Chuanyuan had threw out a bunch of the accumulated trash bags the night before and Heidi helped me clear out the cabinets and separate what food to trash and what to donate. Bobby did a walkthrough, said the apartment looked great, that he knew I always took care of the place, then he gave me a fist bump and said I’m a good person that deserves good things and to stay safe. I was exhausted and stressed but that put a huge smile on my face. I hadn’t finished cleaning and he said he knew I was good for it.

They are the real MVPs and I’m so blessed to have amazing folks like that in my life. I think I’m pretty fortunate to have wonderful folks on both sides of the country. It’d be a dream if they could all meet each other one day. It was a desperate moment and I couldn’t have accomplished that and so many other things without their support and incredible help. We got done in about an hour and then we threw my luggage in Kyle’s car, I handed Chuanyuan my keys, then I ran out and Valerie and Melissa saw me off from their balcony. I went out to the street, said bye to the group, we said we loved each other, then Kyle and I zipped down to the airport and that was it.

I got into the airport at about 3 or so and had 8 hours before my flight, but at least I was there before curfew began. The airport was desolate. It never looks like that at LAX.

A few places to grab food were open so I picked up a burger and fries and annihilated it in a few minutes. All I had eaten that day was a small amount of food Chuanyuan had ordered to celebrate and the latte Ally got for me. It was amazing. I sat around near my gate and eventually passed out in the chair for a couple of hours. I’m pretty sure I looked like a crumpled up wad of paper since I was folded up in the seat. When I woke up I decided to head over to the bar (there was a bar!!!). I had two margaritas and being able to order a drink safely after so long was like mana from heaven. The bar counter had tape to measure the social distancing and I stood there and enjoyed my drinks. I thanked the bartender for the luxury and he said everyone that has drank there has said the same thing because people miss the experience so much. Same, y’all.

Got on the plane at 11:55 PM, and now I’m back in New Jersey as of 8 AM. Phew.

Mama’s garden. I can actually go outside and experience nature!

I haven’t had time to fully process everything that’s happened in the last week. I’m at a three day deficit for sleep but it’s amazing that I can actually stop and rest now. My period arrived after getting home too. Gosh. It’s over.

Saturday

The movers arrived, managed to get everything I set aside into the container, and now it’s off into the ether until the delivery date. I did not sleep one moment last night. I underestimated the amount of things I had. I’m leaving a few things behind and donating others to friends.

I’m going to try and sort out my luggage first and then I can sort through the miscellany. The final bit will be cleaning. I’m hoping I can have Bobby over here for the walkthrough at 10 AM. It’s so close to all being done.

I don’t have a bed to sleep in for tonight so I’ll be on the couch (which is always kind of nice in its own way).

Outside of my first world moving bubble I’m seeing and hearing that things are even crazier right now in the nation. I haven’t processed it fully yet but I hope the protestors stay safe and they keep bringing light to the awfulness that keeps getting swept under the rug and purposefully obscured. Ugh.

I don’t have anything new to share. I’ve complained and pondered casually the past several days and it’s nothing new at this point. I’m nervous about my flight since they said it’s packed and all this is going on. I was told to be careful.

I guess my personal journey peaked in 2017. Who would have known things would be this way. 2020 is turning out to be quite the year.

I miss my family and I want to rest. That’s it.

I will share what the living room looked like after I brought everything out to be moved:

Stay safe, be vigilant, be compassionate, let the folks you care about and love know you’re thinking about them (reminder to myself, long neglected to do, honestly), and get some rest. 🙌🏽

Feeling burnt out

I have that familiar fried nerve feeling like I did during thesis. I can’t stay up late anymore while working.

I woke up dripping in sweat from head to toe and I’m not sure why. Didn’t dream, but I hopped in the shower and that’s helping me feel better. I was feeling optimistic earlier but I’ve returned to feeling overwhelmed. They’ll be here at 8 AM tomorrow. That’s currently.. 12 hours from now. Not a lot of time.

My hope was to have all the big packing done by early evening so I could bring my roommate in here and we could watch Howl’s Moving Castle together. I’d cook her spaghetti, mix up some strawberry milk, and we’d watch it together as a final bonding moment. What’s probably going to happen is that I’ll have to hook up my PS4 to her tv and we’ll do it Saturday or early Sunday. Oy.

Right now… whether I follow this checklist or not I’d just feel a little better having some vague idea going forward. I need to implement the Pomodoro method again. I need to have my dinner readily available and something cold to drink while I work so I can re-energize throughout.

Things to pack that I can remember right now:

1. Lamps

2. Art box in the closet

3. Book box in living room

4. Paint and inks in ottoman

5. Non-perishable food and some kitchen utensils

6. Leftover cosmetics and toiletries that I missed the first time through

7. Move paintings into living room

8. The television, aww

Task to complete before midnight? Clearing off the center of the floor so I can use the Roomba before morning.

Then in the afternoon tomorrow some of the dear ones want to have a socially distanced goodbye for me in the graduate parking lot.

Again, I’m exhausted. It’s so close to being over. Then I’ll fly back Sunday night and be back in Jersey by the morning. Wild.

I’m at that point again, like with thesis, where the goal seems too far off and impossible. I’m going to work and reach my second, third, and fourth winds, and then collapse. Very tempted to drink coffee in a last ditch effort but… I shall resist.

Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' WHAT

The studio repairs are over. That’s a huge relief. It took a while, got there at 3 AM and didn’t leave until 8 AM but I’m so glad it’s done. It was incredibly spooky this time around, more so than the last time. All of the lights were shut off this time and I couldn’t figure out where the hallway lights were. I used my flashlight and blasted videos from my phone to feel slightly less… vulnerable? We have these unusually long corridors in the graduate studios So you spend a lot of time walking back and forth from end to end. My studio is all the way in the back corner by the rear exit so trips to the bathroom take a while.

I captured some footage of the experience:

The Studios at Night from Nefertiti Jenkins on Vimeo.

The darkness and singular paths made me start thinking about horror movies and video games. Specifically if I would survive in a horror setting. I’m pretty sure that’s a resounding no. I’m able bodied but I’m not particularly, strong, fast, or physically intuitive. I’d probably freeze from the shock of fear and fascination from whatever I was seeing and get got.

Cleaning took very little time. I didn’t have to think too hard, it was pleasant being able to indiscriminately throw things into the garbage. There wasn’t a lot, it was quite literally trash. I was amazed at how much accumulated on the floor that I couldn’t see amongst the stained concrete. I very thankfully had a bag of homemade sweeping compound hiding in the corner that I was able to use to gather everything efficiently and keep the dust down. The problem came with painting.

I liked painting the walls for the first 30 minutes, then I realized it’s a process that takes stages and saw the time breeze by. I also think the studio manager might have told me to paint the studio the wrong color because I spent two extra hours covering clean walls with new paint because it had to match. My shoulder still hurts but I did my best with the limited time I gave myself. At the very least it looks like I was never there. I have micro paint splatters all over my skin and a little in my hair. That’s from the paint roller unsticking from the wall as I pushed and rolled. I sweat quite a bit. Oh, I did shuck a light Ikea futon couch into the dumpster. While that doesn’t take a lot of strength it made me feel good. It was a pretty beat up and old couch that I inherited from someone else so don’t get concerned about it going to waste. We also have to be stricter with sanitation now so it couldn’t stay, sadly.

I’m exhausted. Still have a lot to clean and pack. I’ve been on the phone again today cancelling services and trying to time everything right so my roommate won’t suffer without utilities. It would be very nice to just sit still.

Also, the car getting transported is a whole other ordeal. I’m not even going to talk about it. There’s nothing I can do about it right now so it is what it is.

But something lovely I got to see as I emerged from the darkness of the studios:

Purple has been a favorite for me recently. So pretty

Isn’t that nice? I don’t even know what kind of tree that is, I was too tired to go and inspect further. While I did go out with Heidi not too long ago to pick up my boxes I don’t think I saw any flora like I did today. I had no idea Los Angeles was in full bloom but it is spring and there’s been a good amount of rain. It was nice to just be outside too. I know it’s the daytime in that photo but I wish hanging outside at night wasn’t so risky. Nobody is around and the air is crisp. But it’s not exactly safe. I like being alone to recharge, though.

I have to get up to pack soon but I’m going to try and catch some more sleep. I’ll rinse off in the shower when I get up to reboot and go in for the final push. Wish me luck!

CC Memories

So all us folks knew that this was coming eventually… but it’s really on its way!!! Dreams do come true. 🥺

I spent several summer and winter breaks playing this game. I never beat it but I’d get farther and farther each time I started over. Some of my favorite visuals, story telling, and music and it’s not a even conventional Final Fantasy. I loved this game so much I played it in our old van through the DVD player during family trips via a video adapter. It’s been several years since I last touched it since that meant hooking up the Gamecube.

This immediately put me in such a good mood. And now I’ll finally be able to actually play with other people! I didn’t have anyone around me at the time who had a Gameboy Advance and the connector cable. I had an SP and would hook it up regardless just to feel like someone was playing with me even though I was by myself. Technology and time can be a beautiful thing. 😢💙

Good sleep

I keep re-learning the lesson of a clear bed = good sleep and cluttered bed = bad sleep. And prior to that is the rule about making your bed once you get up. Last night was the best sleep I’ve gotten in a couple of weeks. Not best ever, but better than it has been. The only thing I need to figure out is the pillow situation. I’m not sure if it’s a consequence from being rear-ended last year or in general but I can’t use a pillow comfortably. I used my quilt blanket like a flattened pillow, it kind of worked but still wasn’t right. Maybe a neck pillow will be the next way to go. Not using one at all sometimes works but isn’t perfect either. Ah well, point is that I got some proper rest last night. However, I’m still exhausted so I’m gonna fall back into a nap pretty soon.

I’m going to try and follow a schedule today. I spent too much time in bed the past few days which sabotaged any real progress for packing. If I start packing at 1 PM today and work for say… 8 hours? Until 9 PM while following the Pomodoro method… that should mean a decent amount of things packed… I hope. I have to go to the studios tonight to finish repairing which is why I want to follow this schedule so I’m not panicking trying to do two things at once (it’s also the last day I’m scheduled with permission to go over there so… yeah).

I’m very tempted to throw out the bedding I got for my time in LA. It’s been through the ringer. The comforter is pretty gross with stains from food accidents and art accidents. I don’t remember it being too expensive but I’m sentimental, as I’ve mentioned. There’s sketches and unfinished paintings where it’s present. We have plenty of blankets at home that are higher quality. Then again, maybe throwing it out will also be cathartic (as well as practical). I don’t think too negatively when looking at the patterns but I’m realizing I had some of the worst moments of my life while splayed out on that bedding. I thankfully got to leave a lot of that behind in the old apartment but those things don’t ever really go away. I feel like it’s where pink being a painful color for me potentially originated. I love pink, but it’s almost in a masochistic, manic way. I associate it with feeling like a wonderfully feminine woman, sex, intimacy, eroticism, tenderness, euphoria, love… and also the flipside of insecurities involving all of those things. Feeling self-conscious, feeling like I’m only going to get hurt, like I can’t trust anyone who might be attracted to me, that I’m not worthy or smart enough to be told the truth or treated like an adult, like I’ll never get my act together, that I’m not pretty, that I’m unreliable, that I have poor judgement, that I’ll never fall in love again. The extreme highs and lows are inextricably entwined with each other and I cannot separate them yet. When I feel my most awful I tend to use pink to try and “brighten” my spirits. Lonely? Pink. Furious? Pink. Depressed in a multitude of ways? Pink. While I don’t feel this way all the time I do feel this way most of the time. If this sounds concerning, don’t worry. I was truly miserable back then, to a humiliating degree. But I can confidently say, while I don’t feel great, I’m in a much better place now than I was back then. We had to do reflections on color a long time ago for thesis and I realized blue, yellow, and pink were my most cherished and utilized colors. But I realized I gravitate towards blue when I feel calm and neutral. Yellow is when I’m truly happy and feel like a walking ball of sunshine. Pink is when I’m falling apart and doing my best to seem okay and elevate my mood. Still looking for that peace🔵 and happiness🟡though. Maybe I’ll talk about that more so I can narrow down what I’m trying to gain from this thing called life. Anyway, long story long, I should throw out that bedding.

My room in New Jersey is already pretty loaded with baggage and objects I should probably put away without me bringing more into the fold. Ideally I could just take away the positives and not feel so strongly when looking at/using certain things but that’s always been an issue for me. Working on it.

For now, I think I’m going to order some fuel after my nap finishes up at 1 and get cracking.

P.S. Here’s a fun distraction I came across. I love The Thing, one of my favorite horror movies and one I watch every year. Here it’s combined with the amusing and cute Pingu. It’s pretty great. And if you’re not familiar with Lee Hardcastle please acquaint yourself with his goofy, gory, well crafted, and entertaining claymations.

Tired +

Good lord. I think I made about ten phone calls today. I probably received about five on top of that? No more qualms about talking on the phone anymore, it’s just faster. I have to transfer services or cancel them outright so Chuanyuan can take on the utilities in her name. I’m a little surprised it’s not more straight forward considering how many people rent together, but, hey, I know practically nothing about real adult living.

I think tonight’s first packing task is addressing my “Invisible Corner”. According to UNFYH that’s the space that has accumulated clutter and sat for so long that it’s no longer visible to you. For me that means my desk. I have yet to be able to keep a clean desk in my lifetime. If there’s a clear surface I’ll cover it up eventually. For most of my life I worked out of my bed despite alway shaving a desk available, and I think that became a vicious cycle of me not having a clean desk to work at so I’d stay in bed instead, which would then become a cluttered surface as well. It hasn’t been good for me for a multitude of reasons but I won’t bore you with what and why. The desk here in LA is covered in a diverse assortment of…. junk and not junk. True miscellany. Half of it from what I can tell could be trashed. What’s really daunting to me is organizing things into separate boxes. I may just dump it all into one box after I separated out all the trash like charlatan. But I remembered that making my bed and clearing it off might help this whole room feel and operate a whole lot better so I’ll do that first. Tonight will be a condensed milk mate night. It’s also going to be a spaghetti night. (and strawberry milk, all my creature comforts) :^)

On a positive note, my lavender is actually doing alright. I realized it’s going to have to stay here, though. I think I’ll let Heidi inherit it since she actually has space for gardening outside.

Mama tried her best, thanks for being tough

I know I already complained about this but where does all this stuff come from? How did this happen? Everytime I get overwhelmed with my own mess I think about this:

Perfection in an image. The nuance. The complexity. The honesty. The zest.

As you can imagine I think about this a lot. Just messy things, tee hee.

Aight, so. Stuff to do. Yada yada. All I wanna do is sleep. I’m also tempted to repack some of my boxes because I got the proper set of materials I wasn’t able to get on Saturday. One of them is definitely too heavy with books while not having enough cushioning. Doing that sounds awful though so if I have extra time then maybe I’ll do it.

Back to work.

Tired

I went to the studios at about 1 AM last night and hauled everything into the Ubox container. I had on a mask and gloves and got to work. I haven’t been that physically active in a long time, having to stretch my arms to pick up and carry the larger canvases seemed to activate the tender muscles between my shoulder blades. It was quite eerie being back there after so long. Thankfully everything fit. Just barely. If the canvases were even an inch longer it wouldn’t have been possible. I had a brief moment of panic when I couldn’t get the tool cart into the box. I was trying to lift it up because the box itself was raised up on some slats. I’m definitely not strong enough for that. I was suddenly regretting going to the studios alone since all I would need was a little more strength.

I tried to find anything that resembled or could be worked into a ramp, not being sure if we had anything like that. Then I checked the storage room and hidden behind the ladder was a proper ramp! I’ve never used one before since I never had to load/unload a container (or anything really) before. It clasped onto the edge of the box and I was able to roll the cart in. Then I had to start playing Tetris with the paintings. I needed to move them around so the tool cart could fit without digging into the canvas fabric or breaking the wooden stretchers. After some slight adjustments I ended up with this:

I had another moment of fear while packing. This was all happening in the empty parking lot of the studios. I suddenly heard someone blasting music from a distance and I immediately stopped moving. I realized they were actually on the other side of the wall by the river, probably riding their bike based off how quickly the sound came and went. Ugh.

I still have to go back to repair the studios. After I packed everything up I realized I was exhausted and that it’d be best to go home. I topped off my car with some gas since I was almost empty and cleaned off my dusty windows. But I feel pretty good about packing that thing up by myself.

I still have so much to do. I’ve reached the point where I want to give up and just throw a bunch of things away so I won’t have to pack them but that would be foolish. I’d like to one day reach a point in my life where I could fit all of my essentials into one medium sized box. Ever since Stoltz told me he lived out of a duffel bag in his youth it just astounded me. That’s something else I started fantasizing about, living minimally. I’m not counting art supplies since those are actually easy to organize. But my clothing, skincare, cosmetics, and various baubles… this is just too much. Maybe even belongings I could fit in a backpack… This is when I’d put up a poll to see what other folks would consider essential items in their repertoire but only one person responded the last time I put up a form so I’ll just imagine that too, haha. I know a lot of people would probably have some sort of coffee related accoutrements. I’d definitely have my mate gourd and bag of roasted mate…. I need to think about it.

Whewee, all over the place

I basically need to blitz today. I don’t want to! But! I! Have! To!

I downloaded a Pomodoro method app, paid two dollars so I could customize the times, and managed to get two boxes packed last night. They’re crudely packed, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t bother sifting through what I wanted or didn’t want. My time isolated in this bedroom has shown me stuff I bought or dug out of the trash two years ago proved useful eventually. So, yes, I’m enabling a bad habit but I’m hoping I get my act together when I’m home and can throw away things there. Anyway, the app was a good motivator since it could time the focus interval as well as the break. Even having that one small addition of a second timer made a huge difference so I didn’t have to think about it or get distracted setting a second timer. And you can have it loop!

Originally I was going to run over to the studio to directly receive the shipping box but I found out I didn’t have to be there when they arrived. My driver was going to be there early and I was just about to shower but she told me it was all good. She was great, I was able to describe the somewhat confusing back parking lot area that the drop off would occur and she nailed it. Now, under cover of darkness, I’ll go to the studios to pack up the container when there’s no traffic (traffic isn’t light anymore, there’s more people than ever on the road and I haven’t driven in well over a month). I ordered more breakfast sandwiches to take with me tonight while I pack and repair the studio.

On a random note, I came across a fantastic term to describe a very particular thing I’ve wanted to articulate but couldn’t find the words for: Schrödinger's Douchebag. Don’t be that person. Really. I could write a whole essay about why this kind of thing bothers me so much but the definition does a good job of illustrating why this isn’t a good thing to be. I’ve met a lot of people like this in my life and it’s something I have less patience to withstand the older I get. The internet came through with a nice and succinct way to put it.

I guess this entry is more just tangential rants than anything. But they’re all kind of like that if I think about it.

I’m not sure what that would entail, especially now, but my k/d ratio in regards to romance is not great. It’d essentially be stupid to try (I know that’s a cruel thing to say to myself but the thought of it terrifies me even though I’d love to be in a healthy, loving relationship) It’s like they know this isn’t what I want to think about but that it’s still gnawing at my thoughts. Turbulent Tuesday 🥴

Maybe I’ll do a cropped compilation of all the odd notifications Co-star sends me. They send these to everybody at different intervals but sometimes the timing knows how to push my buttons.

I didn’t sleep well again, I keep waking up early. I’m going to resume showering, hang up my laundry, and depending on how I feel after the shower I’ll either nap or continue packing.

As you can see, when I’m not making art, and when I have anything else to do… I’m quite boring. So far I’ve shown that I don’t like doing anything that requires organizing and I spend a lot of my free time reliving the pain of the past while lamenting feeling lonely. Ha.

I look forward to having more happy, less neurotic things to share. I’m excited to fix things up back at home so I can work efficiently. But perhaps that will also have to wait until my two week self-quarantine passes. I should probably mentally prepare for that.

Distractions

Turns out I don’t really like talking about my moving shenanigans in segments. I’m kicking myself for procrastinating but I did manage to get some good sleep for the first time in a while. I even had a nice dream for once. I either don’t dream or have frequent nightmares. Tonight might be a late night but I have to get to the studios before the afternoon.

Speaking of dreams, last night I drew out a crude diagram of room arrangement ideas for when I return home. The arrangement I desire most is essentially just flipping everything to the opposite side… sort of.

The precision, the certainty. Heh

The layout on the right is what I’d ideally get to do. I asked my brother to send me photos of my room so I could potentially visualize the possibilities but I’m a poor judge of size in relation to space. I’ve mistakenly thought my bedroom was huge on multiple occasions only to realize it really isn’t. It’s sizeable, but something tells me it’s not as big as this bedroom in Los Angeles. It’s honestly too hard to tell. I almost wanted to ask if my parents still had the floorplans but that seemed a bit much.

If they’re the same size that’d be great and such a huge eye opener as to what can be done within the space. I already know I’ve been under utilizing and wasting it but I was under the incorrect impression that I couldn’t get rid of any furniture or change too much. That was never a restriction. For instance, I don’t want the dresser in my room and I want to completely remove my old bed. The mattress is ancient and I don’t like the sleigh style head and footboard. I think this summer should be spent sorting through what truly needs to go and there is a lot. It’s incredible how much one can accumulate and how much you realize you don’t need or even want. I’ve accumulated over 16 years of baggage in that room and it’s time for a cleansing. Also a literal one, I’m excited about washing the walls. So much dust.

Knowing me the layout will end up completely different but I’m open to whatever works well. It’d be cool if I could fit my grandmother’s chair in there. A nice place to actually sit. But we’ll see. There’s a lot I need to do before all of that.

WIP (And not much progress was made)

The moving shipment box will be here on Thursday afternoon. I also need to go to the studio tomorrow to pack and clean. This post and this room will probably be a work in progress throughout the day. I notice I like writing when I want a break so I’ll pop in once in a while throughout. I didn’t sleep at all last night but I’ll save the nap for when I feel it. I’m going to make myself a grilled cheese breakfast that I’ll likely share here once it’s done. But, in my early morning delirium and desperation I came across an amazing resource:

https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/about-ufyh/

I’ve been googling packing tips and concerns, as one does, and saw this in a reddit thread. I really appreciate guides like this that are plainly spoken, concise, but also compassionate. I like the philosophy a ton too. I read through several of the relevant articles (most of them) and it’s genuinely helpful and motivating. I’m going to implement the 20/10 and/or 45/15 interval for packing. But first, I’ll “unfuck” (I’m quoting, it’s fine!) my growling belly with breakfast and mate. - 7:58 AM

Ummm…. no? For who? Myself? My mirror gets plenty of full frontals, thank you. You gotta work for those and I don’t even like seeing my own most of the time :V Believe it or not this is one of the less threatening notifications Co-Star has sent me lately.

I did indeed make the sandwich. It was great. And for such a seemingly odd idea it tasted delicious but also rather conventional and harmonious.

That’s a fried rice grilled cheese. More rice than cheese with just enough shreds mixed in to keep it all together.

I’m definitely doing this again. I’ve always wanted to put rice into a sandwich. Not just replace the bread with rice. I wanted both. I’m not the first to make a rice sandwich but there aren’t a ton of recipes that include it. Again, this didn’t taste weird at all. The cheese kind of took over most of the flavoring since I had sharp cheddar on hand and fried rice is already pretty benign. But man it was yummy. Also, I lined the bottom of my gourd with sweetened condensed milk and packed it with roasted mate. Real nice, it worked like I hoped it would and the sweetness and touch of dairy complimented that particular mate very well. The bag it comes in suggests it but plain had always seemed best. I enjoy both now! I also made shortcut chai based off Priya’s recipe that’s really enjoyable and easy to make. I got some evaporated milk, my preferred creamer that I forgot about, specifically for that purpose. All you do is combine black tea, crushed cardamom pods, sugar, milk, hot water, and bam. I really love cardamom so I’m happy to have it so forward in a drink. Probably going to lie down for a nap and attempt packing the rest of my bathroom accessories when I get back up. - 12:44 PM

I arose from my nap and got to chat with Katharine before her man popped over to visit her. Then I cleared off the mirror palette so I could have a dedicated spot for packed boxes. I managed to put away my painting grounds and I threw in some clothing I hadn’t taken out of a garbage bag in, like, a whole year. They’ll serve as cushioning for the top, but I did line the whole thing with bubble wrap since they’re buckets full of liquid. Something tells me I should keep going with the art supplies since they’re already somewhat organized and will be quicker as a result. I’m dreading the closet but I read on the internet that I could just throw my clothes into trash bags. But I do want to set certain things aside so I can use them as packing material. Although I talked about mate earlier I didn’t actually brew a new cup so I’m gonna be naughty and make a fresh, green one in a little while. I’m gonna need the energy because I thought I was going to have far more done by now. The blog I mentioned earlier warned me about this. A manic cleaning and packing spree will not be sustainable. But everyone knows that moving is terrible, so.

Why do I have so much stuff? Half the things I can’t even look at without getting upset. It’s the dumbest thing. I’d be able to say goodbye to over half of my closet if I weren’t so sentimental. Ridiculous. Anyway… - 9:28 PM

Saturday and Sunday

I watched Bio Hunter right after finding it. It seems I saw about 3/4ths of it when I first caught it on television all that time ago. It’s only 58 minutes long. The interesting thing is that it does involve demons. Except it’s a demon virus, not just explicitly possession or an outbreak. It’s both, ha. So I was partially right and wrong. It was fun, but it felt more like an introduction to a series rather than a singular narrative. And I gotta say, I had the most excitement during the very beginning of the movie with the sex scene and at the very end with the cool final battle. Plus, this was based off of a one-shot manga so there’s no more of it, but it’s cool they made this. And again, it’s great being able to find it after all this time.

I find that violence and sexual content rating pretty amusing. “We’ve got a high level sex scene with low violence, chief!” And I didn’t realize it was done by the guy who did Ninja Scroll and Vampire Hunter D. Interesting coincidence.

Heidi was kind enough to help me pick up my Uhaul order yesterday. Then we had a magical, decadent day watching Bon Appetit videos, eating fried chicken, and drinking. I got to introduce her to Honey’s Kettle Fried Chicken which is a nearby favorite and I’m pretty proud of that. I even made a great homemade cocktail with tequila, raw honey, and clementine juice! And of course she made a delicious chocolate cake for us. It felt like the before times since her and I used to do this almost on a weekly basis and they’re amongst my favorite memories in this city. She’s the hostess with the mostest but as a guest and a friend she’s gracious and so lovely to have around. I realized I didn’t really get to do this in New Jersey since all of my friends lived all across the state. They were the ones that would lovingly host and treat me to their space but it didn’t really seem possible on my end. I wasn’t even able to really do that for significant others since I’d usually just go to them. Spending time with her in LA helped me understand that I am capable of providing care and comfort to other people. She’s truly an incredible hostess, she’s amazing at cooking and baking and knows how to bring people into the fold and help them feel included. So being able to hear that she feels taken care of and blissful when she’s in my home feels great. I enjoy being generous, and while I can’t provide in a bevy of other essential ways I know I can feed people and make them laugh. I’ll miss this dearly.

We talked about everything, our futures, our fears, hopes and dreams (as you do, haha). We joked about how we both dream of having Vitamixes, husbands, and studios. She told me that an Irishman would be a great fit for me since they’d be jolly, would enjoy my cooking, and we could competitively drink. Hahaha. She’s considering entering culinary or pastry school. I think she could absolutely do either, but as for which path to go… neither one of us could be sure. I wish it was possible for her to do both in one place (there’s gotta be a place like that, right?) But it was good to gab and carouse. So good!

Check her out!😍Basically an honorary roommate <3

But hey, the beauty of getting to live on my own and experience these things is that I’ll be able to apply it to the life I’m returning to in New Jersey. And if I somehow live in my own independent home eventually I’ll know that I can take care of myself and whoever is with me in a sophisticated manner. 👑I’d love to organize something for my friends in New Jersey but… we’ll see what happens if this pandemic ever stops ravaging the state. I know I owe my dear bun, Annie, a proper hangout sesh in my house. Yeah, she got to come to LA when I was living in my old apartment and it was a great, lovely time but I wish I could have had her experience this new place! But having her around made my bleak Westchester studio (which had just recovered from being flooded) feel like it was a nice place to be. Plus, I’ll never forget us making spaghetti and dancing wine drunk to some old hits, another top memory.💖I’ll make it up to her and everyone else one day. For now I’ll fantasize~

Anyway, I could probably eat fried chicken and biscuits all day. I drank my last Spicy Mango Cart which was also my actual last beer yesterday (so sad). But today’s task? Grilled cheese and packing. But first, I’m gonna brew up some mate and shower. We’ll see how tonight goes. Also, I seriously want a pork roll sandwich. Ugh.

Friday🩸

This is my second to last Friday in Los Angeles. Aww.

I did what I said I would and watched Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. Ahem. * fans self *

What a bodacious babe of a movie. Yum. I enjoyed the first film, but this was made in 2000 (I was about four years old around that time, gosh) and it’s vastly different as far as production goes. It’s gorgeous and formidable. And, you know, this one had heart too. A little more complex than the first and certainly bittersweet. I’d say more but that might be a bit spoilerific. It’s the kind of vampire universe I really enjoy, is what I’m saying. I’m seeing how much this has probably inspired down the line too. Iconic.

From what I understand these are the only screen adaptations that exist outside of a TV series that’s in the works. But I crave more! Guess I’ll be working through the manga/novels (they were light novels first, adapted to manga later). I wanna see how this world develops. Plus, I like D’s character. He makes me think of Guts and vice versa. They’re extremely different from each other but they both have that cursed character that really does care sensibility about them. That, along with everyone absolutely ragging on them without too much justification when they’re just trying their best. 😢But yeah, check both the films out.

Oh, and since I have leftovers for a while… I tried the blood sausage again today but researched how I’m supposed to eat it. You dip it in a salt and pepper mixture (which came with my meal) but outside of that it’s free game. Feel free to fry it or toss it in soup. I heat it up in a pan and ate it with the salt mixture along with the chive kimchi that came with it. Much better. Despite being blood sausage it has a pretty inoffensive taste and I don’t really taste much of the blood at all. Not strong like liver. I’m sure its composition would vary depending on where I get it but I’ll keep trying it if I see it.

Also, random thought, but if anyone can tell me what this anime film is I would be so grateful. I caught it once on the Action Channel (I think?) late at night once when I was supposed to be in bed and not browsing mature television, ha. It began with a sex scene, a rather realistic one now that I think about it. A young woman panting and sweating on a bed while her boyfriend thrusts into her. She keeps mentioning how she’s hungry, he doesn’t listen and tells her to hold on a little bit longer, then her body transforms and her stomach takes a chunk out of him. I can’t remember what part of him gets bit off but I don’t think it was his groin like one would expect, I think it was his hand. She collapses to the floor, gasping hard, with her monstrous stomach mouth in full view. Then we cut to the rest of the film. I wanna say the protagonist was a scientist looking guy with glasses. The next bit I remember was her being locked in a jail cell with her body covered in demon faces with gaping maws. She’s still cognizant but is clearly possessed by demons and begging for help. I’ve tried looking for this movie several times and I’m wondering if it’s real. There’s tons of ultra violent and gruesome one off anime movies and I don’t know what year it was made. Still not even sure what channel it was on, Encore, Cinemax, Starz, Showtime, one of the ones where they showed mature anime. I’m worried about searching further because everything I typed up above would probably bring up some concerning results that I’m not keen on seeing. If anyone knows what movie I’m talking about or could point me in the right direction please feel free to send a message my way. It had to have been made in the 90s/early 2000s and the setting was modern Tokyo. It may also be referred to as an Original Animated Video (OAV) as opposed to a movie. I’m going to keep looking through lists of anime that were broadcasted on US television but… man it’s hard. There’s so much. I can at least rest if I know it’s real, and it’d be cool to finish it since I don’t think I ever did. It’s probably not even that amazing but the visuals left a huge impact on me. And it’s not Tomie. This character was horrified at what was happening to her and a huge plotline was trying to fix what was wrong with her.

Anyway….

After talking about all this anime I think I’ll go back to an old favorite, Ninja Scroll. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it and I have yet to watch it as an actual adult. Plus, I believe the person that directed the Vampire Hunter D film I watched earlier also made this, which makes a lot of sense.

UPDATE: Oh my god, I found the movie. And it’s one I had been looking over because I was convinced it wasn’t the right one. Bio Hunter from 1995. Over a decade searching for this. Wow. And of course I remembered some details wrong. It does begin with a sex scene, and it’s as explicit as I remember but a little different. The girl that transforms is way more monstrous, at first I thought her expression was that of a normal human but her whole visage changes. I correctly remembered that she takes the hand off the guy that’s having sex with her. What I remembered wrong was her stomach being the area where a mouth comes out. It’s uh.. actually her breast. The dude was groping her and when she couldn’t control her hunger anymore her breast turned into a mouth and just ate his hand. She doesn’t collapse on the floor, she stays panting on the bed while you see the dude’s hand get eaten up into her freaky monster breast mouth. I won’t know if she’s the girl that appears later until I actually watch it. I’m gonna guess it’s not about demons but experimental monstrosities. Wow. I clicked on it since it seemed like it would be as close as I could get, watched the trailer, then found a stream of it online and lo and behold. Part of what I recalled with the main character was that he had a ponytail. That made it possible to find and why I clicked on the movie listing in the first place. Gosh. Now I know what I’m watching, haha. I have no idea how the rest of it will play out compared to my hazy memory but I’m stoked and relieved to have finally found it.

New Moon and Impromptu Date Night +

Well, I may have started off the day listless and sad but things sure turned around come night time.

I remembered the pint of Peanut Butter and Fudge Brownie ice cream I had in the fridge. I threw some extra chocolate chips into it and had several spoonfuls, satiating my craving for chocolate. I immediately felt much better.

I then followed through with my craving for Korean food and ordered an accidental feast. I forgot Koreans tend to eat family style. I think this is the last time I’ll be ordering food in LA since this is enough to last me the rest of the week.

Rogue thought: I sometimes wonder if I have misophonia, and I’m hesitant to say that because it’s a real disorder people experience that a lot of folks tend to casually diagnose themselves with but I’ve felt very intensely towards noises all around me lately (but some very specific ones as opposed to others). But maybe it’s just the thin walls of the apartment. My headphones have been coming in handy.

The meal. Big yum and also a candle for ~ambience~

I cleared off my lazy susan palette and turned it into a turning meal table. My first time doing this, actually. It made the meal feel a lot more authentic since I was picking at several things at once. I ordered mixed spicy chewy noodles, fried pork dumplings, and hand cut noodles with chicken broth. Oh, and Korean sausage. It was delicious, though I will say I was hoping for a little more with the sausage. It’s a blood sausage mixed with a lot of stuff, including glass noodles. They tasted more like noodles that had been wrapped in a casing with a bit of flavor. Tasty, but not quite the texture or taste I was hoping for. Wanted some more meat. It makes me wonder what a full fledged blood sausage would be like. As for everything else, seriously, so good. I’m looking forward to working through it the next few days.

Clearer picture of the spread. I also put beer in my sake flask to try and savor it during the meal. Worked great

I decided to tackle my once a week movie goal while eating dinner. I chose Vampire Hunter D (1985). It did not disappoint, a nicely paced demon and vampire slaughtering romp with heart. Now it makes me want to jump into the manga series but… do I really want to make that kind of commitment? I still haven’t returned to Berserk but something tells me Vampire Hunter D won’t be as traumatizing. I don’t buy physical volumes anyway since that’d be so much money but we’ll see. I’m gonna try and watch the other movie Bloodlust sometime soon too. I’m contemplating watching it tonight but maybe I could save it for some Friday night fun🧛‍♂️

This became an unintentional but welcome date night for myself. I haven’t taken myself out on a date in a long time, even prior to quarantine. It felt good. I got to eat delicious food, watch a good film, and now I’m going to shower and do my curly hair routine. Shoot, I even caught myself in the mirror a couple of times and thought I looked nice despite feeling gross earlier.🔝

P.S. This is important. Good words to contemplate. Right at the 8:52 mark. It keeps repeating in my head so now it’ll be in yours too.