I don’t know where to begin. I thought I had already relegated myself to a sleepy, quiet summer of hiding in isolation but it seems things have taken a big shift. I don’t want to jinx it but I’ve been stunned by what’s transpired the past few days.
https://hyperallergic.com/565810/mfa-virtual-projects-calarts-otis/
The Hyperallergic article featuring my classmates, myself, and students from CalArts came out on… Monday? The same day I had a huge spike in numbers to my site. Then emails to my business account which has been desolate since its creation, and then dm’s! I know I have to level my excitement and not get too swept up in case things don’t pan out as I hope but I never expected any of this to occur anytime soon. It’s all in the same week of my birthday, too. I turn 26 tomorrow, in about 30 minutes of this writing. I wrote up prices for work I didn’t think people would take an interest in anytime soon and I suddenly have way more eyes on me than ever before.
Ahhhh! It almost feels like an early birthday present! My hands were shaking earlier as I was confirming details and writing to folks. It probably seems like too much but I almost teared up from just how overwhelmed I felt (and honestly still feel). It’s one of the first times in a while I didn’t get bogged down in my spiraling, negative thoughts that tend to insert themselves everywhere. You know, it feels like all of this really has been worth it. And I know it’s too soon to know and say that. But considering I’ve been graced with a lot of support and fortunate circumstances despite whatever way I feel…. there’s a lot of good that has happened in my life and I don’t see that changing for the worse. In fact, I think it’ll continue to get better. That’s always the hope, right? I just didn’t think it would happen so soon after so much uncertainty and disappointment. I’m overjoyed and I can’t say I’ve felt that particular emotion that often the past couple of years. This is a positive step forward regardless and I’m so thankful it’s here.
I have something to look forward to and strive for that feels a lot more tangible and knowable. If these next few things fall into place, or even part of them do, then I can actually start setting realistic long term goals which is not something I fathomed having the ability to do anytime soon. I can be an adult. And eventually an independent adult responsible for her own needs while being able to provide and give back a little. That’s what I want. And if I’m able to do that primarily and even exclusively through my art for the foreseeable future then that is truly a dream come true.
I have a lot ahead of me and I have the freedom and incredible privilege of being able to navigate freely and tread as I wish. That feels good and I’m excited about it.
Thank you. Stoked.
Love,
Nefertiti 💙💗💛
P.S. Happy 26th Birthday to me! 🥳🦀♋️❣️