I just took a sleeping pill a few minutes ago to prevent the happenings of last night from repeating again.
I joined the meeting earlier and thought it was productive and hope some real change can come of it.
And dinner was great. Beef roast with broccoli and rice.
I did not get any art done. Wasn’t in my hands today. But, I got to hug my family since I passed the two week quarantine.
I played Animal Crossing and visited my brother’s town since Celeste was visiting. The shooting stars were endless. They’re still probably going. Before that we couldn’t get any to appear. The shores of our beaches will be littered with star fragments. Oh, and speaking of… one of my apps pointed out that Mercury is apparently in retrograde. I did not read further, but hopefully it’s not like Venus. Still, I did get taken back to a previous version of myself about an hour ago.
My computer suddenly needed to restart. When I booted it back up the apps that were already open popped in. Photos landed in front and it had reset to the beginning of all my pictures. I found myself scrolling through, seeing images I hadn’t seen in years. I remembered that I had the great privilege and pleasure of vacationing in Hawaii and saw I documented conversations that I can barely remember the context of. That platinum haired, blue haired, purple haired, eye-shadow wearing version of myself seems completely foreign to me now. I admittedly look back with some envy. She painted the town red and was on the precipice of a new, exciting phase in her life. She seems so loud and willing to please. Then again, I’m glad I’m cognizant and lucid in the way I am now. She was young and naive. I’m still young…ish and still a touch naive, but that’s slowly being replaced with experience and jadedness. It’s incredible how much has changed and how ready I am to keep that change going. I feel unwell remembering the old habits and actions I had. What was it for? Old Nef seems so unlike me now. I know that’s natural but it makes me wonder what the true essence of myself really is if I shift so much with each new phase of my life.
But hey, we all deal with this whether we want to admit it or not. I’m another soul in the throes of this mortal coil, trying to find my way. It is what it is.
P.S. Looking through those old photos I realize I haven’t really taken a personal selfie this year so far. Certainly dumb ones to make myself and my friends laugh but nothing where I thought I looked nice. Not sure what to make of that.