The year is about to end and turnover into 2020. It’s the end of a decade.
This year has been the most impactful, important, and unpleasant of my young life.
I know that an official date change and rotation around the sun does not reset or cleanse the slate. I’ll still have the same experiences and I’m still in the same body no matter what year comes.
However, i’m still looking forward to the end of this year and the beginning of a new one. I take a lot of comfort in the symbolic value and power of the new year being brought in. It took 25 years to feel like I finally have some sort of grasp of what being alive really means to me. While I don’t want to repeat the experiences and circumstances that brought me here I cannot dismiss their importance to my growth.
I’m ending the year tired, in pain, but also hopeful without any unecessary optimism. But there is a lot I’m grateful for; my family is doing well, I haven’t let the upsets of this year impede my education, I took big steps to be kinder to myself, and I’ve met a lot of wonderful people and have gotten to do things I didn’t even fathom being possible a year ago.
As awful as a large part of 2019 felt I cannot dismiss all the good that came out of it. If those positive things weren’t there I’d likely be a lot more worse for wear. I’m glad myself and so many others made it through.
Cheers,
- Nefertiti