I had a stress dream last night. Although I love hearing about dreams people have I know when I share mine people tend to get annoyed or their eyes gloss over. So, I won’t go into too much detail. But whenever I dream about high school or old fights incorporated into a high school environment that’s usually an indicator that I’m having a dream related to intense stress. I try to forget about high school since I was a completely different person back then and I associate a lot of upsetting memories with that time. When I dream about it now my brain seems to incorporate more recent upsetting memories and create an amalgamation of monstrous events. Cool. I know it’s my brain processing through the junk but I wish it’d use a different figurative metaphor. But obviously, yeah, I’m stressed out and nervous.
In addition, though not really, I just tried to drink some coffee again. I didn’t think the mate would take over so quickly for me, but I prefer it. It’s been a few days now and I must admit… I love it! I think I’ve had enough time to compare how it treats me compared to coffee and it’s an incredible contrast. I brewed up one pot of coffee, had a mug, and now I cannot focus. It seemed to hurt my stomach as well despite having a full meal not too long ago. I’m a bit tired but now I feel like headache is coming on. I’m realizing I usually feel this way when I have coffee and I’m kind of shocked I just powered through it and thought it was helping me. I won’t say no to beautifully made coffee at a shop but I’m not sure I can continue having it at home, it doesn’t feel good. I already want to get in bed until the jitters stop but I have a lot to do. I’m likely going to have to throw out the rest of this pot which I feel awful about but I can’t finish it. I feel a bit nauseous as well and I’m sure that’s from the huge injection of acid from the coffee. This makes me sad! But, I do appreciate being able to recognize the effects these things have on me now instead of just chugging and and being oblivious. I feel way too “on” right now and it’s making my brain have the bad kind of tunnel vision. I’m trying to remember if I was always this sensitive to caffeine?
Unfortunately, I have a lot of coffee I accumulated during this quarantine and I suspect I’m not really going to want to finish what I have. I thought I wouldn’t have enough to last me without buying some every two weeks but this has happened instead. Hmmm.